The silver ribbon that goes across the middle from the front to back is actually from an old birthday present; it effectively covers an ugly telephone icon on the front. The stickers are glow-in-the-dark ones that my friends and I obsess over. The letter “A” charm is one of the two that my sister and I bargained for at an exhibition a few years ago (both our names begin with A).

The shiny silver paper on the underside of the front and back covers (that you see in the fourth photo) is just more wrapping paper from past presents. The textured beige paper that you see in the second and third photos are actually cut pieces of sample wallpaper that my cousin and I collected in large amounts on a crazy whim from Office Depot over two years ago.

So while it doesn’t look like much, it has a lot of sentiment attached to it. Now you also know how much of a pack rat I am.

I don’t like it at all.

« æ·lyn » says: and its only an IE problem
« æ·lyn » says: oo its only the front page
Tammy says: hmm did you add a width restriction?
« æ·lyn » says: how curious
« æ·lyn » says: yeah
Tammy says: maybe its that?
« æ·lyn » says: the front page is wordpress
« æ·lyn » says: i mean it’s at 100% for the bg to repeat
« æ·lyn » says: hmm
« æ·lyn » says: maybe lets see
« æ·lyn » says: but its only IE
« æ·lyn » says: it magically appeared
Tammy says: major bizarre
« æ·lyn » says: so now i have to fix it?
« æ·lyn » says: or will it magically revert back to normal
Tammy says: was it there before?
« æ·lyn » says: nope
« æ·lyn » says: not when i coded it and put it up the first time, not when i wordpress-ed either
« æ·lyn » says: and that was in october last year o_O
Tammy says: hmm is it an ie 7 thing?
« æ·lyn » says: oooo maybe, i’m IE 6-less
Tammy says: same I’m IE6 less too
« æ·lyn » says: http://browsershots.org/
« æ·lyn » says: helps
« æ·lyn » says: oh look at that! they’ve added IE 8 to that list
Tammy says: there’s an IE8 now? O_o
« æ·lyn » says: in beta testing i think
« æ·lyn » says: scary isnt it?
Tammy says: very

Yes, this whole time my eyeglasses has been sending discrete derogatory waves to my brain.

It explains everything.

… That was just an excuse, by the way. I’d rather not share, because then I’d have to attempt to be cryptic because I’m just that kind of person. They say ignorance is bliss, right? Well it’s only after you perfect it. The in-betweens are almost tortuous.

The visit, isn’t going as bad as I thought it would. There could be better days but that’s just life. As for what I was/am doing wrong, I haven’t been very successful considering how I gave in twice since the post was made. In retrospect, it’s probably not all that bad; old habits are hard to break and I think these things take time to get used to, to let go. Especially if it’s a very old habit.

The kittens have been growing up, obviously. They’re a little over a month old, can you believe it? I have tons of photos I want to share. Thankfully, Flickr Uploadr makes it easier to do so. Their eyes are changing color now, from blue to maybe orange, I think. I was hoping green, but… who knows. At the moment, it’s still at the transforming phase. Which looks beautiful.

What else? I don’t know, I guess this is just one of those fill-in posts.

I started this for fun, but then it got creepy towards the end because it actually made some sense. Anyway, rules!

1. Copy and paste the entire thing, but remove the music titles.
2. Open your music player, add all your music files.
3. Play your playlist at random and label each song as it comes.

» If someone says “is this okay?” you say,
Inside of You - Hoobastank (oh the perverseness…)

» How would you describe yourself?
Love Comes - The Posies (o_O I need to listen to this song…)

» What do you like in a guy/girl?
A Public Affair - Jessica Simpson (I really hope not)

» How do you feel today?
Licking Cream - Sevendust (LOL)

» What is your life’s purpose?
Enigma - Trapt

» What is your motto?
If I fall In love - J-shin (noo, now my secret’s out…!)

» What do your friends think of you?
Real Girl - Mutya Beuna (Apparently, you guys think I know exactly what I want)

» What do you think of your parents?
Kuolema Tekee Taiteilijan - Nightwish (It just had to be something incomprehensible.)

» What do you think about very often?
Ahora Es El Momento - Lorenzo (Trance music = love)

» What is 2 + 2?
All Good Things - Mandy Moore

» What do you think of your best friend?
Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You - Glenn Medeiros (This is really freaking me out now. Best friends, you know who you are.)

» What do you think of the person you like?
Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin (Crap. Only 17 but tired?)

» What is your life story?
Harry Potter Theme Song - Harry Potter (lmfao)

» What do you want to be when you grow up?
Angel’s Punishment - Lacuna Coil (WARRR DESTRUCTIONNN!)

» What do you think of when you see the person you like?
View from Heaven - Yellowcard (”Sometimes, I can’t believe you’re gone”)

» What will you dance to at your wedding?
Sexy Love Remix - Ne Yo Ft. Joe Budden (O_O. Oh dear, I have visions now.)

» What will they play at your funeral?
Naked - Avril Lavigne (nooooo!)

» What is your hobby/interest?
Easier to Run - Linkin Park (Shit, how accurate.)

» What is your biggest fear?
Unlike Me - Kate Havenik (”There are no guarantees in life..” Tammy, are you reading this? It’s all your fault!)

» What is your biggest secret?
Remember the Time - Michael Jackson (Whoops, those love affairs with the Egyptian people…)

» What do you think of your friends?
Shine On - Rascal Flatts (There you go people, SHINE ON!)

» What will you post this as?
Sometimes You Can’t Make it On Your Own - U2 (can I shorten this?)

Right, and I tag whoever agrees that 2+2 = all good things. Or, just anyone who wants to do this.

We asked if we could see him, not knowing truly how bad a condition he was in.

He was brought out by two young boys, walking ever so slowing, pausing for a bit and starting again. The moment we saw the sight of his frail, delicate profile, held up and being assisted to walk, we got up and helped him to his chair; the guilt of having made him go through all the trouble weighing heavily down on our hearts.

He looked at us, through those patient eyes, just as he had four years ago when he first met us; therein lay the evidence of the youth that was still him, despite the fact that the disease had weakened most of his body. When asked how he was doing, he smiled a shaky smile saying, “I’m living. A little painfully, but living just the same.”

It was heart-breaking.

We didn’t stay long, it was obvious he wasn’t at ease in the chair. We wished him well and thanked him for everything. As we were leaving, he turned to me, eyes glistening and smiled his shaky smile. “Good.”

I smiled back at him, knowing the significance of just that one word and knowing that it was enough to last a very long time.

Bubbles has given birth (again) to four kittens: two sets of twins. Possibly the most adorable kittens you’ve seen. Ever.

Naerii is pretty active and likes to wander, Iris likes to pose cutely. Angel is really shy and lonesome and Onyx likes following feet. They’re all very sociable - Iris and Onyx more than the others, and each adorably cute.

If you want to view larger, be warned: they redirect to Flickr.

The black ones are harder to photograph without proper lighting, but I shall (yes, I do say shall) keep trying.

Naerii has been given via the Internet to Leo. He’d have to deal with my sister on her ownership and Onyx would have been hypothetically given to Skye, if she weren’t so allergic.

Boy: I love you
Girl: …
Boy: I love you
Boy: and it drives me crazy
Girl: *speechless*
Boy: I don’t even know why I love you
Boy: I don’t even know if it’s love
Girl: *thoroughly confused now*

Let’s disregard whether or not the girl likes him back. And look at it from an outsider’s perspective.

Isn’t a bit disappointing and even a bit insulting to have a boy claim that he loves you and yet cannot state a reason why? Isn’t it odd, or is it just me? I’m not saying he should always have a reason, but wouldn’t it further add to the romance of the situation if he said something like “because you’re you” or something equally cliched and disgustingly lovey-dovey?

But then he’d be lying if he didn’t mean it.

Of course, there’s the way it was said too. As if there couldn’t have been a reason for him falling in love with you, like you were deficient in something. Or as if he was settling for less. If he loves her, shouldn’t he be able to at least give a reason why?

Now if that doesn’t throw the romance out of the declaration, I don’t know what does.

… Or am I taking it too far?

I make resolutions, I decide to turn over a new leaf. Months later, my resolve breaks. I repent, regret and vow never to do it again. Over and over, time and time again.

And I think, am I really this weak?

I need to stop this. I need… Him. I need His help. I need Him to help me. If He wills. And I need to make an effort to make the change myself. Asking Him for help is one thing. But it’s no use if I just sit there and wait for it to come. I’d have to work towards it, and if He wills it’ll happen. It must be a test of some kind.

The first step is to admit you have a problem. This is mine.