Geez.
Category: Angst/Anguish, Philosophy, Relations
I’m walking on thin ice. I have to watch everything I say. Don’t know where a fuse will burst. Don’t know who I’ll upset or who next I’ll offend. Maybe it’s better to say nothing at all? But that only gives you an excuse to call me uncaring.
I’m ignoring that voice. I try not to but I tune it out sometimes. I’m sure you’ve heard it before. It’s the one that tells you that this is not right. And here I am, telling other people what they should do. What gives me that right?
And how do I know who to trust? People change, yes. There’s always three sides to a story. I’ll give you a benefit of a doubt the first and the second time. Hell, even the third. But I don’t see how that makes me foolish or naive. I do know better. It’s just me. I’m not asking you to understand.
I love not knowing. I rather not know; that way nothing can be too sure. I won’t need to make a decision and to me, it’s relieving. But you? You think it’s an act of cowardice. I’m not asking you to understand that either.
And as to how I expect people to like me? Maybe I don’t. Maybe I honestly think they’re better off not. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care. My mistakes are just that. Mistakes. So why am I not allowed to make them?
There’s that voice again, it’s not leaving me alone. And honestly? I’m not sure if I want it gone. It gives me hope.
Just can not fathom..
Category: Angst/Anguish, Philosophy, Relations
There’s something deeper to him that you can’t put your finger on. He’s not the person he pretends to be, there’s more substance to him that he doesn’t show. He’ll let people believe what he wants them to. Good or bad, he doesn’t feel the need to correct them. But he’s got some basic hard core principles that he sticks by — and makes everyone aware of.
He will confuse you, intrigue you, frustrate you to the point where you start to ask yourself why it all bothers so much. You want to understand whole-heartedly but you can’t. He won’t let you in either. He knows you know. And without even saying as much, he’ll turn you into an outsider. So near, yet so far. You laugh, you talk. You smile, you joke. But it’s all meaningless behind the facade. The facade you desperately hold onto. You don’t want to let him in either. You know he knows.
And so it continues. A persona of an individual you can never figure, fading right infront of you. The guy next door? a love interest? your bestfriend or buddy? and if it’s really really bad.. even a stranger.
Sometimes, there are some things that you just can not fathom, no matter how hard you try.